i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Randomize
