Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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