your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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