sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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