Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
