I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
