I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
