we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
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