I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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