Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
