then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Randomize
