Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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