I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Randomize
