between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
