Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
