OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
