i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
You smell like stripper and shame
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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