Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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