I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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