That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize