we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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