I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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