you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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