I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
