Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
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Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize