Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
