Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
