This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Randomize
