maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
