There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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