I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
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