i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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