they need to just BURY HIM!
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
