i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
