If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Randomize