i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Drake has all the answers
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
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