Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Randomize
