Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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