I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Randomize
