Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
i will never coherently bang her
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
