I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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