You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
