im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
