Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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