why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
birth control should be required to get into college
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
