There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Randomize
