I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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