She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
