just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Randomize
