paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
