Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have grass duct taped all over my body
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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