Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
