I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
