Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
The best revenge is premature balding
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Randomize
