Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
babies were throwing up all over the place
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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