my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
