Ambien. No doubt about it.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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