Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
you never un-have a 4some
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
