I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
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