Whod you bang
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
