Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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