Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
