how can u be prego again
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
