Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
