super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
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