And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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