nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Everyone says I win the strip club
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
