The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
