you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
He felt like a one man threesome
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
