And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
