What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
