my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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