i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
