I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
