literally had 100 drinks last night.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Randomize
