hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Randomize