I wish i was in the wii world.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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