were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
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