i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
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