He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Randomize
