dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
